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Let's talk about PTSD

Let's talk about PTSD.

By definition, it's suffering a traumatic event, and the effects it causes after the event. One example might be a a survivor of rape, not being able to function at the site of a certain type of person. A injury that causes severe damage, and the pain associated with it. The symptoms are severe anxiety, reoccurring thoughts of the event, flashbacks, night terrors. It can be a couple of these, or all.

I was diagnosed with PTSD about 5 years ago. My experience was stemmed from the death of my mom. She went from feeling awesome (she was on a downward spiral from liver failure), to organ failure in less than 10 hours. I had to witness her fight, by myself, for hours. Going through IV sedation for pain, ripping out IV's, screaming and crying. I spent the entire time, by her side, only leaving when I was forced. This was in 2014.

Today, I had a flashback. It's my first one. I've gone through the night terrors, the reoccurring thoughts, the anxiety which I'm still fighting. But this was my first flashback. I watched Sebastian on the table, getting hooked up. Watching him tear up (he was so brave and did not flinch at all), but stay completely still. My little man, so brave.

Then I saw her face. When his eyes closed, and I kissed his forehead, I saw my mom's face. I'm still shaking, trying to keep it together. My eyes are filled with water, and my heart is pounding. I needed to share this.

My stomach is in knots. My logical side says this is easy. No big deal. The uncontrollable emotional side says fight.

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